Dark Randomness
by PyroxHawk
Summary: Hot sauce, Gregori movies, How to Take Care of Your Lifemate 101 classes, a vampire bunny, and utter chaos! What else could possibly happen to our beloved Carpathians? The full description inside. R&R!
1. A Recipe For Disaster

All right, why am I bothering to post things under Christine Feehan's works? Oh well. This is basically a parody of Christine Feehan's dark books made by the insane minds of me, my friend Milly, and my friend Amy. It does contain the three of us as the main characters. I am Savannah, who is Gregori's lifemate, same person (looks wise) but her personality is changed to match my crazy and random personality. Amy is Iris and Milly is Rin. I hope you enjoy the story. I thought there had to be someone who made a humor fanfict for Christine Feehan's work right? Please Read and Review, I need feedback! Much appreciated, thanks! 

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"Iris! Rin! Wait for meeeeeeee!!!!!!!" Savannah called as she ran toward the two forms in the distance. They turned as she caught up to them, gasping.

"Hey, what's up?" Iris asked, "is Gregori hyper again?"

Savannah shook her head, "no. But I just got the greatest idea! I was thinking and- what!?" She caught the disturbed glances Iris and Rin exchanged.

"It's just that when you've been thinking, usually it's never a good thing," Rin said with a laugh. Savannah playfully shoved her lightly before continuing.

"That's not ALWAYS true...but I digress," she said, "I was at home, and Gregori told me he had to go to a meeting with Mikhail and the others to discuss you know, the whole issue about the female children and stuff. He left and I thought, whoa. Meeting. Then it came to me. And I just HAD to tell you guys, 'cause I totally know that you would like it. I mean, it would be like the funnest thing in the world. And I know that technically funnest isn't a word, but whatever. I mean, people make up words all the time, like remember that once when-!"

"Just get to the point already!" Iris sighed.

Savannah looked a bit flustered for a second that Iris had actually interrupted her ranting, then cleared her throat, "uh, sorry. Right. What I meant to say was, I had the idea that we could...you know, like barge in on their meeting and turn it into a full blast party!" Iris and Rin looked at each other and shrugged.

"Okay, why not?" Rin said, "that would be fun."

"Yeah!" Savannah cried, "and then we can finally get them into a party spirit!" Iris and Rin tried to imagine Gregori in a party spirit and somehow, that was REALLY creepy...

"...And we can get chips, and soda, and other stuff, just for the heck of it, do you want to invite humans too? I dunno, I don't really want them here; maybe it would be best if we just had Carpathians there. Yeah, that would be better. But get the food anyway, it would be fun to watch them if they had a food fight. And then, we can teach them stuff that they should know!"

"Teach them...stuff?" Iris asked, "what stuff?"

"Like you know, how to get rid of all that over-bearing male arrogance they have, you know how they are. And how to take better care of their lifemates!" Savannah replied.

"Somehow I don't think that arrogance is going to go away any time soon," Rin said.

"Yeah, but..." Savannah mused, "it would still be fun to watch them try! It could be like...How to Take Care of Your Lifemate 101."

"That's saying something considering you're the only one out of the three of us who actually HAS a lifemate," Iris said.

Savannah shrugged, "not my fault. So anyway, what do you guys say?"

"Sure!" Iris and Rin both replied. The three would-be-troublemakers high-fived and set off for their party.

-----Scene Change-----

"I'm sure I could think of something," Shea said, "I am a surgeon after all. Gary and I will continue to research the matter, I'm sure with your help Mikhail, we will be able to conquer the problem."

"Very true, you have never failed us before, Mikhail," Vikirnoff agreed.

Mikhail sighed, "such is the burden of responsibilities of being the prince. There will come a time when I will have to pass on the mantel of leadership. You know I would present the offer to you first, Gregori."

Gregori grinned slightly, just a lift of the corner of his mouth, "I'm not sure I would be able to handle that, Mikhail. Savannah is still young, not quite ready to rule by my side yet."

"I will hold on to my title until she is then," Mikhail agreed, "after all, she is still yet a fledgling."

"She matures quickly though," Gregori said, "she already knows how to utilize her Carpathian skills to her full extent, I am very proud of-ah!" Gregori was rarely startled by anything, but if your lifemate suddenly appeared hanging upside-down in front of your face mere centimeters from you, screaming surprise at the top of her lungs, you would cry out too. He fell back off his chair in alarm, earning amused bursts of laughter from Savannah hanging from the ceiling.

"I heard you were talking about me, oh so respectable lifemate," she taunted, "I heard the word proud too. How rarely you use that word, you couldn't have been talking about me, could you?" Savannah smiled sweetly and gazed at him, her dark blue/silver-streaked eyes sparkling.

"It's moments like this that I am very disappointed in you, Savannah," Gregori replied, standing up and walking toward her. Try as he might though, he couldn't manage just enough anger into his tone to reprimand his own lifemate, he loved her far too much, "and why, may I ask, are you hanging from the ceiling?" Right at that moment, Savannah's eyes widened as she felt the grip on the rope slacking, and with a slight cry of fear, she tumbled onto the table, Iris and Rin landing in a heap on top of her through the hole in the ceiling they had been holding her through.

"Savannah!" both Gregori and Mikhail rushed to her.

"Get...OFF!!!" Savannah cried as she shoved Rin and Iris off her with all her strength, and they rolled off her onto the floor.

"Ow..." they both muttered as they stood up, "you know Savannah, you're really hard to hold up."

"It's the two of you holding one of me, how hard can it possibly be?" Savannah exclaimed. Gregori gazed up at her from the floor, not much shorter than her even though she was standing on the table; in fact, he was still nearly as tall as she was.

"Savannah? Are you hurt?" he asked, a trace of worry in his dark voice.

"Naw, I'm all right," Savannah replied.

"Don't ever do that again," Mikhail scolded, and Gregori unconsciously narrowed his eyes at having another male, even the prince, near his lifemate.

Mikhail noticed this and raised an eyebrow, "Gregori. I am her father, and more over, the prince. I have the right to chastise my own daughter."

"NEVAH!!!!" Savannah cried, leaping up and landing directly in the center of the table, sending the cups of...er...blood flying through the air, "I shall rule the Carpathian species! I shall rule the world!!! Mwahahaha!!!!!"

"Oh no, who let her drink sugar-filled blood again?" Raven sighed. Just for good measure, Iris and Rin used their Carpathian telekinesis powers and sent the teacups of blood flying onto Gregori's head, drenching him in...blood. Unable to control herself, Savannah burst out in howls of laughter, accompanied by Iris and Rin. The others in the room couldn't help it either, and started laughing as well. Gregori glared at them all, and then sighed and realized he couldn't stop them anyway, so why try?

"Kodak moment!" Savannah took out a camera and snapped a photo of Gregori drenched in blood.

"Where'd you get the camera?" Iris asked.

Savannah shrugged, "Mikhail's room. You should see the human gadgets he keep in there. He's got the most awesome high-speed computer ever!!!!"

"Well you know, he does have to seem at least human," Rin pointed out, "he does own all the petroleum rights over there anyway."

"True, true..." Savannah agreed, "hey, why don't we go sell these pictures on eBay?"

"Savannah! Don't you dare-!" Mikhail called after them, but they were already gone, "mess up my computer..."

"Last time they went online, they screwed up something, and it took you a whole week to figure out what was wrong with it," Raven laughed, "you got SO mad...but Savannah wouldn't tell you what she did."

"Don't remind me..." Mikhail sighed.

"Well, I think continuing this meeting would be pointless anyway," Lucian said as he stood up with his brother Gabriel, "we had better attend to that vampire that's roaming these parts. I will see you all soon." He bowed with traditional old-world grace, and left the room.

"Well, that meeting was...informative..." Jacques snickered as he stood, "my niece is certainly a handful..."

"You have no idea..." Gregori mumbled as he headed home.

Several hours later Gregori was in the kitchen using the towel and sink to wash off any traces of blood he could get to. He muttered curses under his breath for dried blood being so difficult to get off.

Savannah suddenly crossed the hall behind him, riffling intently through a handful of bills, "I got lotsa money, I got lotsa money..." she chanted as she traversed to the other end of the hall. Gregori heard muffled voices as she split the earnings with Iris and Rin; those three were definitely a combined force worth reckoning with. He felt sorry for the poor souls who were the lifemates of the other two.

The three of them now crossed the hall again, going in the opposite direction, each riffling through a handful of dollar bills, chanting, "we got lotsa money, we got lotsa money..." Gregori sighed as he realized a lot of the buyers were probably fellow Carpathians. He would be the laughingstock of his people for a while. He felt a milli-second surge of anger, but it was soon suppressed. After all, he couldn't be angry at his own lifemate, it just wasn't in him. Poor, poor Gregori, his legendary reputation of being the Dark One and the Bogeyman, a myth among Carpathians, was about to take a nosedive. His continent-sized ego was being squashed by three girls who all seemed to leave trouble in their wake, a photo, and a website. What else could possibly go wrong?


	2. The Secret Weapon

The next chapter is finally up! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Hope the story continues to be just as good!

Note: no actual vampires were harmed in the making of this scene, though one or two may have been bored to death. XP

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Mikhail raised an intrigued eyebrow at the message on the screen in front of him. It was a blinding white window that blared "THIS ACTION IS CURRENTLY UNAVAILAIBLE, PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER" across the screen in bright lettering. Normally that would have been fine; Mikhail was a patient man, but you see, there was one problem: this was the 25th time in the last 7 hours that he had tried, and each time he got the SAME FREAKIN' MESSAGE!

"Don't blame Savannah, Mikhail," Raven soothed him as she noticed his eyebrow twitching, "it's not all her fault." Mikhail sighed and checked the clock, it was time for the next meeting. He had found a need to hold another one seeing as the last one was...interrupted. He stood up and made his way outside with Raven, shifting into the shape of an owl and soared into the night sky.

-----Scene Change-----

All the Carpathians laughed and joked around, the meeting room a cacophony of noise as they commented good-naturedly on Gregori's embarrassing photo. Yes, they had all gotten them off eBay. The laughter quickly died and faded away and all Carpathians hastily tucked away the photos as they saw Gregori saunter through the door. Mikhail raised an eyebrow when he saw that Savannah, growling and grumbling, strode through the door after him. And Mikhail wasn't the only one, no one expected someone to have actually managed to persuade Savannah to participate in the meeting.

"Sit down Savannah," Gregori said firmly, "next to me." Savannah hissed and drew back, baring her fangs. Gregori sighed and lifted her up. Savannah fought, hissing, kicking, and scratching as he plopped her into the chair.

Gregori's silver eyes flashed dangerously as his voice gave her a command, "sit, and stay still Savannah. You are here so I can keep an eye on you."

"Orders do not work well with her Gregori," Mikhail said, "like her mother, she works better with asking." Raven gave him an irritated look but didn't say anything.

"Savannah, will you do your lifemate a favor and sit down and stay out of trouble?" Gregori asked, exasperated.

Savannah crossed her arms, "you'd better be feeling lucky that you're my lifemate, or I'd totally be going against you right now." Gregori smirked and kissed her lightly on the mouth, simply because he could, and to wipe the indignant look off her face. Everyone else in the room raised an eyebrow. Gregori rarely showed such affection, especially in the company of fellow Carpathians. Savannah blinked and shook her head as he pulled away. Flipping her hair at Gregori, she sat down haughtily.

Some minutes into the meeting, the Carpathians were discussing some important matter. But to Savannah, who was yawning drowsily, all the talk sounded like droning bees. Suddenly bright spotlights flashed through the dark room. It looked the FBI had come of something. Everyone glanced around, alarmed.

"Have the humans found us already?" Aidan asked, preparing himself for an attack. The sound of whirring fans filled the room. A big helicopter floated down in front of the window, Iris and Rin sitting side by side in it, Iris holding a large silver megaphone. Just the sight of Rin trying desperately to control the helicopter sent Savannah into bouts of laughter.

"We have you surrounded and we have firearms," Iris announced, "we demand that you release Savannah!" Rin hefted up a machine gun and whispered to Iris, even though she knew all the Carpathians could hear her perfectly, "I don't even know how to load this thing..."

Savannah snickered as she heard Rin add, "I wonder what happens if you press this..." Suddenly Iris and Rin yelped in fright as the machine gun set off, firing rapidly and jumping in Rin's hands.

"How do you turn this thing off!?" Rin cried as the machine gun went crazy. Savannah couldn't help herself. Despite the danger and the bullets flying all over the place, she was laughing her head off. Instantly everyone in the room ducked under the table to avoid the mad flying bullets. After a few seconds the ringing of the bullets stopped and an audible sigh was heard, followed by Rin's voice saying, "I think I've got it under control..." Underneath the table, Gregori's muscular form protectively positioned above her, Savannah slapped herself on the forehead. As everyone cautiously emerged from underneath the table, Rin's voice was heard again.

"You've gotten enough time with the megaphone," she said as she grabbed it from Iris, "I want to talk into it now!"

"No!" Iris whined in response, "the megaphone's mine! Let go!" Outside the window, the helicopter rocked and swayed precariously with the two forms fumbling around in it.

Savannah couldn't help sweatdrop as she thought, _aren't they supposed to be rescuing me...?_

"That helicopter looks vaguely familiar..." Mikhail said thoughtfully.

Raven rolled her eyes, "that's because it's one of you helicopters..." she said a moment before the helicopter bucked under the frantic fighting for the megaphone and fell to the ground with a splintering crash of destroyed metal.

Mikhail groaned, "there goes like the tenth helicopter broken by those two." He turned to Gregori with an exasperated look; "don't bring Savannah to any more meetings. Every time Iris and Rin come to rescue her and one of my helicopters gets destroyed." Gregori bowed slightly and nodded. In that moment, Rin and Iris came crashing through the door, flustered and their hair flying in multi-directions.

"Savannah!" Iris cried as they took her by both arms and dragged her out the door. A slam indicated the door closing and the room was filled with utter silence, ground-shattering silence.

"Well that was..." Darius began.

"Rather unexpected," Jacques finished with one of his trademark lopsided grins.

Falcon sighed and rubbed his temple, "again, yet another very informative meeting..."

-----Scene Change-----

"Thanks so much guys!" Savannah cried as they walked out into the night, "I would've died from sheer boredom."

"We save you every time your lifemate drags you there," Rin pointed out.

"And manage to break a helicopter every time in the process," Savannah added.

Rin shrugged, "come with the rescue job." Suddenly out of nowhere a vampire appeared from the trees, dark and ugly, his pale skin marked with many kills.

"Three Carpathian young girls..." he hissed gleefully, "this will be a fun experience..."

"OMG!" Savannah cried, "it's a vampire! Dude, when was the last time you took a shower, you stink!" The vampire seemed caught off guard for a moment as Rin spoke before he could say anything.

"Can we roast him?" she asked. Iris gave her an incredulous look.

"Are you insane?" she exclaimed, "you don't roast vampires. Everyone knows you bake them!"

"No way!" Savannah disagreed, "you don't bake them! Vampires are to be boiled."

"Boiled?" Rin cried, "no, you roast them!"

"You bake them!"

"Boil!"

"Roast!"

"Bake!"

"Boil!"

"Roast!"

"Okay, let's check," Savannah suggested as she summoned up a book titled "How to Kill Vampires." By now the vampire was really flustered.

"Uh...you girls are supposed to be afraid of me..." he pointed out.

Instantly all three girls turned on him and yelled, "shut up!" The vampire hastily stepped back and muttered, "okay, okay..."

"See, it says right here that you're supposed to boil them," Savannah pointed to a passage in the book.

"But it says here to roast them..." Rin said.

"This book is messed up!" Iris cried and threw it on the ground, "so...what do you suggest we do now?"

The vampire stood up, "maybe you can let me attack you?"

Savannah turned to him, her eyes flashing, "we never asked for your opinion, hotshot!" The vampire sat down again, grumbling.

After several hours the vampire was still sitting on the same rock, his eyes drooping in boredom, his chin in his hand and his arm propped on his knee. He had been a noble Carpathian once, was this some punishment for turning?

"And then, I was like OMG you know? Because it was like totally bogus!" Savannah was going on one of her rants again "and then she was like HOT SAUCE, and I was like...eh?"

"Yeah I know!" Iris cried in agreement, "that was so funny!"

"Well it's not my fault that I thought you said hot sauce, you were singing that thing and it sounded like hot sauce so..." Rin commented. The three of them were sugar high. Just one of them sugar high was disastrous, the three of them hyper together was decidedly enough to take over the world.

"And remember that once when Iris saw the cockroach and ran away screaming?" Savannah said, "I was laughing for days!" The vampire sighed for possibly the thousandth time, if this was the punishment for turning, he felt sorry for the other Carpathians who were close. Well he didn't actually FEEL sorry for them but...well, you know what I mean.

-----Scene Change-----

Gregori rose into the night sky, power emanating from him like light from the sun (I know, kind of an oxymoron.) He had sensed the vampire out there and worse, he could tell that his lifemate was near him. Gregori hissed dangerously and sped through the air at top speed. He landed and strode forward. Instantly the vampire came dashing out towards him. Gregori struck a defensive pose, definitely not expecting the vampire to fall to his knees and start begging.

"Please, please kill me," he pleaded, "salvation from those three, please!" Gregori raised an eyebrow, in all his long centuries; he had never encountered this before. Savannah emerged from the trees behind them.

"That was rude, I wasn't even done talking yet-oh! Gregori!" her expression instantly changed to one of placid innocence. The vampire screamed, yes screamed (like a girl) and scurried away, but not before Gregori caught him by the back of the shirt and hauled him back, growling a low warning.

"Oh Gregori..." Savannah laughed, "you're so mean to them, they really are such fun creatures!"

Gregori stated his thought matter-of-factly, "he was going to harm you, ma cherie, there is no excuse for that."

Savannah waved her hand dismissively, "well on another note, can I keep him, please?!" Her eyes sparkled innocently.  
Gregori gave her a mild WTF look as he thought, _this is my lifemate..._? By now Iris and Rin had caught up and the three were jumping up and down, begging to be able to keep the vampire as a pet. The vampire was whimpering piteously.

"Savannah...be reasonable..." Gregori sighed.

"Come on Gregori, please!? I'll feed him, and take care of him, and we'll take him for walks and everything!" Savannah cried, Iris and Rin nodding.

Gregori rolled his eyes and sighed, "Savannah...oh, fine..." He couldn't believe he had actually agreed. The three girls squealed in excitement and the vampire moaned in distress. He was doomed.

Gregori turned to face him, "if you try to harm her in any way, you will feel my wrath, understood?" His eyes blazed and the vampire nodded vigorously.

Several minutes later, he was turned into a fluffy white bunny, cut and cuddly with red eyes.

"And I'm gonna name you Steve..." Savannah announced as she cuddled him, petting his head. Gregori's teeth flashed in a snarl.

"Don't touch him..." he growled.

"But Gregori, I have to, he's my little bunny rabbit!" Savannah argued. Gregori sighed and turned to walk home, motioning for Savannah to come. Iris and Rin followed and the three of them fawned over the forlorn little bunny whose head was bobbing up and down from the continuous petting.

"He's so adorable!" Iris cried as she and Rin took turns holding him.

Gregori called back from up ahead, "don't let this turn into a bad habit!"


	3. A Bunny and a Movie

Ahh...the next chapter is finally up! I personally really enjoyed writing this chapter! It was the awesomeness!! Mwahahaha!!!! Remember, please R&R!

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For once in her life, Savannah actually agreed to go to the meeting without an argument, making Gregori suspicious yet happy at the same time. He should've known she was going to bring the bunny. She had mistaken its frantic head banging against the bars of his cage for a message that he wanted out. (He in fact had been trying to commit suicide and release himself from his fate.)

"Aww...I think Steve need some fresh air," Savannah said as the two of them walked to the meeting. Gregori inwardly flinched as she petted him. He still didn't like the vampiric bunny. Everyone's jaw nearly dropped when they saw Savannah walk in the door without grumbling darkly. Their jaws dropped even more when she sat down peacefully without argument.

"I told you not to bring her, Gregori..." Mikhail whispered to him.

Gregori shrugged, "she wanted to come." Mikhail's eyes widened in a "no way..." sort of expression.

"Right well," he said, clearing his throat, "today we are here to discuss-is anyone listening?" He traced everyone's gaze to the cute white bunny in Savannah arms.

"A bunny?" Aidan asked, "Savannah, you brought...a bunny?"

Savannah nodded sweetly, "yeah, isn't he cute?" Gregori glared at the bunny, daring him to try anything in the midst of so many Carpathians.

Savannah smiled at him, mis-understanding his glare, "oh don't worry Gregori, you're cute too." Gregori twitched slightly.

"Cute?!" Jacques laughed, "you called Gregori cute!?" He instantly shut up when Gregori glared at him.

"He's a vampire bunny," Savannah announced, earning a collective gasp from through the room.

Gabriel turned to Gregori, "you let her keep a vampire as a pet?"

Gregori sighed, "you have no idea how persuasive she can be sometimes." Everyone tried to imagine Savannah threatening Gregori.

Shea shook her head, "I feel sorry for the bunny..." Savannah continued to pet the bunny, earning WTF looks from many people.

She turned to Mikhail who seemed very, very suspicious, "you wanna hold him Mikhail? He's so adorable!" She held the bunny out and smiled sweetly at her father. Mikhail raised an eyebrow as he held the bunny up by both ears and inspected it.

"He is kinda cute..." Raven commented, "except that he has red eyes." The bunny raised a paw and drew it along its throat in desperation. As soon as Mikhail put the bunny down, it grabbed a pencil and paper and amazingly, with its paws wrote, "PLEASE KILL ME!!!" on the paper. Mikhail raised the other eyebrow.

"Aww..." Savannah fawned as she picked up the scrabbling bunny again, "isn't he so smart? He's an educated bunny, he can write!" This time there was an audible noise as Julian erupted into a "coughing fit" while trying to hide his laughter.

"Right well," Mikhail continued, "anyway." But everyone was still concentrating on the bunny.

Mikhail rolled his eyes, "what is it with everyone and the bunny!?"

A few hours later Mikhail gave up on the meeting because of everyone's innate bunny obsession. Now that everyone was still in the room anyway, Savannah, Iris, and Rin decided that this was the perfect day to hold their first "How to Take Care of Your Lifemate 101" class.

"All right Iris, Rin, let's roll," Savannah whispered into her walkie-talkie thing she held in her hand as Steve the vampire bunny was being passed around the room, being adored by males and females alike (everyone seemed to have forgotten that he was a vampire. Either that, or they just didn't care.)

Suddenly Rin and Iris burst through the door, striking poses and yelling, "ta-da!!!!!" Every Carpathian glanced at them in a confused sort of way.

"Uh...what are you doing here?" Aidan asked s he absent-mindedly petted the bunny.

Ignoring Aidan's question, Rin began, "we thank you all for being here today for our first class."

"We were here for Mikhail's meeting," Falcon corrected, but fell into silence when Rin glared at him.

"Like we were saying," Rin said, "today is your first How to Take Care of Your Lifemate 101 class! However, today's class will be totally irrelevant and will instead revolve around a movie we all want you to see." She pulled out a tape titled, "The Gregori Movie." Gregori's eyes widened and he inwardly groaned, why did everything happen to him?

"We would like to thank Julian for the photos..." Iris started and Gregori turned to glare at Julian, who grinned nervously.

"What...photos?" he slowly inquired.

Julian turned and whistled, "well...you know, those...photos in your...bedroom drawer..." Gregori began twitching.

"Wait, Julian," Mikhail interrupted, "you mean you were in on this whole 101 class thing and you never told us? Whatever happened to your loyalty to the prince?"

Julian bowed his head in shame, "well you see...they were going to take away Bumpkins..." Aidan groaned in disbelief as Jacques erupted into mad laughter.

"You value...a teddy bear...over your duties to the prince?!" Mikhail began to twitch as well.

"You don't understand!" Julian cried, "I've had Bumpkins ever since I was a mere fledgling. I'm very attached to him..."

Aidan muttered an audible, "I can't believe I'm related to him..."

"Well ANYWAY!" Iris continued, "also, we'd like to thank Savannah for...the inside story."

Gregori raised an eyebrow as he turned to face his lifemate, "the...inside story...?"

"Remember..." Savannah reminded him, "I'm your beloved lifemate!"

"A lifemate with a very sadistic sense of humor..." Jacques muttered. Rin slipped the tape into the VCR player and sat back, turned off the lights, and enjoyed the humiliation.

Iris picked up the microphone and began the announce the background of the story as the film rolled, "ever since he was a small child, Gregori was known as The Dark One and was known to be the second in command to the arriving prince." The picture on the screen was of Gregori as a baby, and he still had the tremendous black hair and the captivating silver eyes. Gregori twitched visibly. Never, never before had he EVER let ANYONE she his baby pictures.

"As he grew older and became a young boy, his reputation grew, earning him the permanent title of The Dark One," Iris continued as a picture of Gregori as a child holding up a kitchen knife appeared on the screen. Everyone had the 0o look on their faces at this point.

"Entering his adolescent years, Gregori met his good friend: Mikhail Dubrinsky." A picture of Gregori in his teenage years flashed on the screen, his hands in front of him in a sideways punk rock on sign. Mikhail stood behind him, flashing the peace sign. Everyone burst out laughing at the outrageous picture.

"Gregori always treated Mikhail as a best friend and an equal. They got along rather well together," Iris continued. This time pictures flashed in a slideshow on the screen. One was of Gregori punching Mikhail, another of him laughing as Mikhail tripped, and yet another of Gregori shoving Mikhail off a tree.

"An equal huh?" Vikirnoff grinned.

"Looks like our second in command was more than we give him credit for..." Lucian agreed.

"Mikhail sighed, "oh...I remember those..."

"And then..." Iris continued, "into his life there came the light to his darkness, an angel to save his soul. Savannah, beautiful and intelligent, her love for him knew no bounds." A picture of Savannah dumping tomato sauce on his head appeared on the screen, earning uproarious laughter from all the Carpathian males.

"Totally unconditional love, of course," Desari nodded.

"That was really fun though!" Savannah said, laughing so hard she was crying. The movie went on some more about the brilliance and greatness of Savannah, and then, THE END!

"That was basically a movie about Savannah," Barack pointed out from the back as he sipped his cup of blood.

"Okay then..." Rin took out the tape and changed its title to "The Gregori AND SAVANNAH Movie."

"That was so funny!!!!" Julian and Jacques howled with laughter.

Gregori seethed with anger and turned on Julian with murderous intent, "Julian..." he hissed. Julian yelped and ran out the door, going as fast as he could as Gregori, snarling, ran after him.

"I hope you enjoyed your first lesson," Iris cried joyfully, "meet next time for lesson 2, we hope to see you all soon!" Savannah stood up and took out a leash, leather and very strong, and obviously very worn out.

"What's that for?" Iris asked as everyone else filed out of the room, joking with Mikhail about the photos.

Savannah smiled, "well, there's no other way to control Gregori when he's bent on killing someone, If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go domesticate my neanderthal of a lifemate."


	4. Nonsense

So, here's the next installment of Dark Randomness. Keep in mind that even I don't reply to the reviews I get, I appreciate them VERY MUCH! Thanks to everyone who bothered to review, and keep them coming!

-----

Iris and Rin both burst out in laughter as Savannah came back through the hallway, her hair flying in different directions and dragging poor Gregori behind her using the leash. The leather was wound tightly around his neck and he sighed at the humiliation of it all.

"Savannah, I'm fine," he said, tugging at the rough material, "I'm back to normal...can you release me now? This is a fine way to boost my reputation of the Dark One." Savannah turned round and looked up at him.

"You were almost about to kill him Gregori," she scolded, "you know you shouldn't have done that." Rin and Iris kept laughing because the sight was so funny. Savannah, a good foot or so shorter than Gregori, was waving a finger at him and reprimanding him, whereas Gregori was looking ashamed of himself, being chastised by someone so much shorter than him.

Behind them, Julian's head popped out of the bathroom door, "is it safe to come out now?" Savannah nodded and tightened her hold on the leash as Gregori snarled at Julian. Julian whimpered slightly and took hesitant steps forward.

"Don't worry, Gregori won't hurt you, right Gregori?" Savannah said, giving Gregori a stern look. Gregori growled and watched Julian with molten silver eyes as he walked past and hastily headed home and put up anti-Gregori safeguards in case the hunter decided to come after him IN THE NIGHT!

Several days later the Carpathians once again gathered in the meeting room and waited for something. They didn't really know what they were waiting for. Savannah wasn't there; Rin and Iris weren't there. It just seemed all too silent. Dayan tapped the table in impatience.

"Something needs to happen," he said, "where are those three?"

"They're upstairs," Aidan answered, "doing something or another. Not bothering us for once." All of a sudden a shout of "VAMPIRE!!!!!!" was heard and Gregori instinctively knew that voice to be Savannah's. All the Carpathians leaped to the door and rushed like a crazy paparazzi mob up the stairs, Gregori in the lead. They burst in the door where the three girls were and looked around wildly, to find the three of them playing a video game...a vampire hunting video game. Everyone sweat dropped.

"Take that vampire!" Savannah cried, "your mama wears army boots!" Everyone sweat dropped again.

"Oh hi everyone!" Iris called to them, "wanna play? It's really fun!"

"Let's go..." Mikhail sighed and the Carpathians walked back down the stairs. As they filed back into the meeting room, they noticed something was missing.

"Where are Julian and Jacques?" Shea asked. She and Desari looked around but couldn't find their lifemates anywhere. Everyone headed back up the stairs and opened to door again to find Julian staring at the TV screen, intently into destroying a vampire while Jacques, Savannah, Iris, and Rin stood behind him, cheering him on.

"Yeah Julian, that's it!" Rin cried, "keep going!" If Carpathians could do the anime fall, everyone would have done so at that point.

"This IS fun!" Jacques said to the rest of the Carpathians at the doorway, "you should try it! It brings a whole new look to killing the undead!"

"Those two are absolutely hopeless..." Aidan and Mikhail sighed at the same time, "I can't believe I'm related to him..."

"Left Julian!" Savannah cried, "to the left! No, your other left! Aren't you supposed to be an experienced vampire hunter? Geez! At least get your directions right!"

"Why don't we leave them to their game playing," Sara suggested, "and get back to the meeting. Evidently they're not interested..." There were murmurs of assent as everyone walked back down to the meeting room.

"So..." Mikhail began, "I want to speak to all of you about a certain issue concerning Rin and Iris." Suddenly a pigeon flew right into the window of the meeting room and hit the glass with a loud _splat_. Everyone glanced at the bird, which, dazed, was flying away.

"That was REALLY random..." Barack commented casually.

"Never liked pigeons anyway..." Dayan added.

"Right well..." Mikhail continued, "those two are-" Suddenly he stopped, and everyone's attention was focused on his cup of blood that was slowly moving, by itself, across the table. It glided a full foot across the surface before coming to a stop. Mikhail raised an intrigued eyebrow, "okay, who used telekinesis?" All the Carpathians looked at each other, knowing no one would be so disrespectful as to lie to their prince. He may have been a nincompoop sometimes, but he WAS the prince...

"Are you meaning to tell me that my cup moved on its own?" Mikhail asked.

"I suggest that you don't drink from it, Mikhail," Gregori said, "cups of blood are not known to move by themselves."

"I think I know that..." Mikhail agreed, "but like I was saying, those two are females without lifemates. Every female unclaimed is a risk to vampires."

"I don't really think those three are at risk of vampire attacks," Aidan said, "considering what they did to the last one..."

"Nevertheless," Mikhail replied, "those two should find their lifemates soon. Not only will they be in danger of vampires, but the males out there will continue to suffer without them."

"I think the males out there would suffer more with them..." Nicolae commented with a grin, "those two are evil..." There were quiet murmurs of agreement, which were silenced with a glare from Mikhail.

"What you say is true Mikhail..." Falcon said, "females are cherished. Every couple is a gift to our race. They should find their lifemates soon, so what do you suggest we do?"

Mikhail sighed, "I suggest we send those two to Canada to see if they can find them there." Everyone stared at him.

"I am guessing you mean only to send those two..." Gregori ventured.

"But of course," Mikhail assured, "it would be pointless to put Savannah in unnecessary danger. And I know Gregori, that you would not last long without her, as irritating as she is..." he added with a grin.

Gregori sighed, "as much as I hate to admit it...that is true..."

"You realize that Savannah will be very reluctant to leave Iris and Rin for a good two months or so that they will be in Canada," Lucian said.

"Yes, but that cannot be helped," Mikhail said, "she will have to deal for the time being..."

"So...let's go break it to them then," Aidan said, standing up. Mikhail took the Canada plane tickets out of his pocket and the Carpathians ventured up the stairs once more.

"What?" Savannah gasped, not certain she had heard right.

"You know what we said, ma cherie," Gregori replied.

"You can't just leave me here!" Savannah burst into tears, "not without Iris and Rin! They can't just go to Canada without me! I can't be left here alone without them! Just let me go with them, please!" Gregori stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, not able to stand her crying.

"Shh...you will be fine," he assured her, "you know I cannot let you go with them unless I come along. I cannot live without you Savannah..." he said it softly so no one else would hear.

"Then come along with me," Savannah offered, "I don't want to stay here by myself!"

"I have my duties to the prince, mon amour," Gregori replied, "I cannot just leave." Savannah sniffed and turned to face her two best friends.

"I can't believe you're leaving me, to find your lifemates!" she cried.

"The plane leaves soon," Mikhail said, "take your tickets, pack, and let's go." Hurriedly the two packed clothing, necessities, and other random stuff and they set of for the airport. They got there just in time. The airplane was just about to set off. Iris and Rin rushed on board and waved goodbye to everyone as the plane lifted off. Watching the plane take off, the rest of the Carpathians headed back.

"Well, I feel sorry for Savannah," Iris said as they sat down, "I feel bad for leaving her, but I think we really should find our lifemates."

"Too bad she couldn't come along with us..." Rin agreed solemnly, "she has no one to deal with Gregori with her. Let's just hurry up, find our lifemates, and head back."

"Until we reach Canada then..." Iris said as she clicked open her suitcase, "I'm going to listen to some music." She gasped as she looked down and mist came floating out of her suitcase. The mist settled in the aisle and slowly materialized into Savannah's form.

"Man, stowing away in suitcases is thirsty work..." she sighed as she stretched, "tiring too...I'm cramped."

"You stowed away in my suitcase...?" Iris asked, unable to believe it for a second,

"Well duh, you thought I'd actually put up with being stuck back there with those bozos? No way man," Savannah replied, "I'm coming to party too."

"But Gregori..." Rin began.

"Good enough punishment for him to order me around," Savannah said nonchalantly, "and who need you guys to find your lifemates anyway? Let's have some real fun." Using her mind, Savannah re-routed the plane for the Bahamas.

Back in the Carpathian Mountains, Gregori was freaking out.

"Savannah!!!!" he shouted, rummaging through the house and darting outside into the night to crash and topple the forest to the ground if he had to in order to find her, "Savannah where are you!?" He cursed roughly in every language he knew.

"Savannah if you don't come out right now!" he was too upset to finish the sentence. Where could she have possibly gone? They had all made sure she was perfectly safe and that she didn't try anything funny at the airport.

"Mikhail, Savannah's gone!" he announced as he burst into the house of his father-in-law.

Mikhail's eyes widened as he sent out a frantic call to every Carpathian within range. Within several moments every Carpathian was organized into groups to search for the prince's renegade daughter.

"I can't believe she would just disappear like this," Gregori said. He wasn't one normally to lose his mind. In fact, he was known for his cool and calm demeanor, it was just this once, for Savannah, that he was losing his mind.

"Calm down Gregori, she couldn't have gone far," Mikhail assured the freaking out second in command. Suddenly his cell phone rang and as he picked it up, he saw that he was sent a voice picture of the three girls at the beach, wearing sun glasses sitting under the shade of a dark umbrella, waving.

"It's really nice weather here," Savannah told him via the phone, "tell Gregori not to freak out, though I think by now it's too late. We should be back in a few weeks, we're gonna enjoy the Bahamas for a little while longer."

Mikhail sighed, "you two had better-" but he was interrupted as Gregori snatched the phone from out of his hand.

"Savannah, get back here this instant!" he shouted, "I am NOT happy with you! I want you back here NOW!"

Savannah rolled her eyes, "tsk tsk, such temper Gregori. Calm down, I'll be fine. Enjoy your few free weeks without me to bother you. I'll be back before you know it."

"No Savannah!" Gregori called through the phone, "do not! Come back here now! You will obey me in this!" But Savannah had cut off connection via the phone and was currently over in the Bahamas laughing her head off. She knew that the instant she got back there would be plenty of harsh scolding to put up with, but for now, she reveled in the glory of her freedom.

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All right, for all you people who are planning to review for this story, I want to ask a favor. In the review, can you think of all the Carpathian males you can and put what instrument should they play and why? I know it's kind of random, but I might include a chapter where they get to mess around with instruments or something, and I want to know what instrument you guys think they should play. Just something for fun, I'll take all suggestions in consideration!


	5. Some More Nonsense

Sorry I haven't updated in like…a year, but I've been extremely busy and I'm at a new school, where things are extremely rigorous. I abandoned this story and hadn't planned on continuing it, but here I am again! I hope all my beloved reviewers are still ready and waiting for the new chapters, I will be continuing this story!

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Mikhail sighed as he looked over the papers sitting before him for the tenth time. Carpathian hunters from all over the world were sending him complaints via letter writing that they were being put out of their job. All the vampires had gone to ground and presumably weren't coming out for a while; they all knew what had happened to the last vampire that had been caught by "the deadly trio." However, there was one blank envelope, no address, no names, no postage stamp, nothing, It was totally blank.

The next meeting all the Carpathians sat around the table staring intently at the blank envelope in the middle of the brown fine wood.

"So..." Gregori began, "are we going to open it?"

Mikhail cleared his throat, "well I am a bit suspicious of it, who knows whom it could be from..."

"You're the prince," Gregori replied, "you do the honors."

Mikhail grinned, "well, you are the honorable second in command. Why don't you go ahead?" Gregori scowled slightly and reached slowly for the envelope. All the Carpathians leaned forward steadily, drawn in by the tension of the moment. You could just hear the Jaws theme playing in the background. Gregori tentatively poked it and then shot backwards as the envelope exploded. Multi-colored streaks of glowing lights spiraled and whirled through the air, mini fireworks popping all over the place with blinding flashing lights. Every Carpathian male assumed a defensive pose and stood protectively in front of their lifemate.

Suddenly flashing sparkles of letters floated and shimmered in mid-air, announcing: "YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO ATTEND..." Mikhail and Gregori both raised an eyebrow at the strange flashing lights.

"That cannot be good..." Aidan sighed. Slowly, particles of flashing lights drifted to the floor and floated around until they materialized into solid forms. Before the Carpathians stood Savannah, Iris, and Rin wearing brightly colored beach hats, and dark sunglasses. All three wore a bright orange shirt that read I the Bahamas.

"The second How to Take Care of Your Lifemate 101 class!" Savannah announced, finishing the glowing message of sparkling lights. Everyone stared at them, and Gregori was the first to come back to his senses.

"Savannah!" he cried, "do you know how worried I was? Anything could have happened to you! What did you think you were doing!? I'm very disappointed in you..."

Savannah cleared her throat before replying, "to answer you: no I don't know how worried you were, though considering it's you, probably a lot. I know anything could have happened to me, but you know perfectly well that I can defend myself from vampires. As for what I thought I was doing, having fun of course! The waves on the beach are really nice."

Gregori sighed, "Savannah...you shouldn't have done that. You're my light, everything. I can't live without you..."

Savannah rolled her eyes, "okay, okay. Quit with the mushy stuff, it totally doesn't go with your Dark One demeanor." She took out a cell phone, "besides, I could've called you at any time." She showed Gregori that she had Mikhail's number, "see?"

Mikhail took out his own cell phone, "yeah, the only problem is, I don't really understand how to work these things. I have one to seem human, but I usually just talk telepathically."

Savannah sighed, "dearest father, it's called the modern world. Wake up and smell the coffee, or the blood, whatever." She dialed Mikhail's number, and the phone began ringing.

"It's alive!!!!!!" Mikhail cried in shock, flinging the vibrating phone into the air and darting to hide behind Raven.

Raven rolled her eyes and picked up the phone, shutting it off, "calm down Mikhail. The phone is not alive..."

Rin poked Savannah, "psst, did you show him Gregori?" Savannah smiled and reached behind her, picking up a ferret. It was adorable, with sleek brown fur and silver eyes, everyone got the impression of Gregori (except for the adorable part...)

"This is Gregori," Savannah announced, "I found him in the Bahamas and decided to keep him." She smiled sweetly at the real Gregori, using every bit of her charm, "I named him after you, aren't you so happy?"

Gregori gritted his teeth and his eyebrow twitched, his eyes flashing dangerously, "I'm charmed..."

"Why'd you name him after Gregori?" Raven asked, "and not someone else?" The real Gregori reached out his hand to pull Savannah to him and instantly drew his hand back, wincing as the ferret nipped his finger and hissed at him.

"He's really protective of me," Savannah exclaimed, "and he doesn't want anyone else near me. Just like the real Gregori! And plus, he has silver eyes..." Jacques and Julian burst out in mad laughter.

"I'm gonna get a laugh out of this..." Julian said, "Gregori the ferret!"

Iris turned to Savannah; "I think you should call the ferret Gregori-chan, just so you don't get them mixed up."

"Whatever happened to Steve?" Shea asked.

Savannah shrugged and indicated Darius, Julian, Barack, and Dayan, "I think the Dark Troubadours have adopted him."

"We can use him as endorsement for our concerts!" Julian cried and high-fived Barack as Desari groaned and Darius rolled his eyes along with Dayan.

"So now you have...a ferret?" Falcon asked. Savannah nodded.

Mikhail grinned and turned to Gregori, "I can't believe you're letting your lifemate push you around like this."

Raven gave Mikhail a look and playfully shoved him, "who are you kidding Mikhail? You let me push you around all the time."

Savannah, Iris, and Rin propped their glasses on the top of their heads at the same time and set up the overhead and projector screen for the class.

"All right then," Iris said as Gregori (the ferret) wrapped himself around Savannah's neck like a scarf, "without further ado, let the class begin!"

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I know that wasn't the best chapter, but the next will by funny, I promise. Now then, it shouldn't take too long for me to get the next one up. Read and review please! Thank you!


	6. Absolute Chaos

My new chapter is up! Thanks for all the reviews I got from the new people, and thanks for sticking through with me, all of you who have been here since I started! As always, R&R!

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As soon as Savannah flicked on the overhead and the words WELCOME TO HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR LIFEMATE 101 flashed on the screen, Gregori sprang forward and drew Savannah back into safety.

"It's possessed, the wall," he said, "words do not magically appear there. This is the work of a master vampire, don't go near it." Savannah rolled her eyes and was about to say something, but was interrupted by a loud crash of splintering wood as Mikhail punched the wall in an attempt to destroy the message. With a roar of rage, he tore down the wall, the words gone.

"Mikhail!" Raven cried in shock, "calm down, it's just the-!"

"Quiet Raven, and stay back," Mikhail cut her off as his eyes scanned the room, "the vampire's words may return..." As he stepped back, Rin accidentally pushed the "multi-project" button and words shined on every wall.

"Oh crap..." Rin muttered.

"I knew it..." Mikhail growled and proceeded to use his talons and tear down the wall, and next one, and the next until everyone stood in a heap of rubble.

"Those words were from the projector..." Raven sighed, but no one paid much attention to her.

"My prince!" Gregori called, "above you!" Mikhail looked up and saw the words on the ceiling.

"Mikhail!" the three (Savannah, Rin, and Iris) cried at the same time, "don't blow up-!" _**BOOM**_, "the house..." The pieces of ceiling rained down on them and as Mikhail looked down, he saw the words shone upon himself. Raven, Savannah, Iris, and Rin saw that the projector had shone on him and sighed in exasperation.

"No!" Gregori exclaimed, "Mikhail!"

Mikhail sighed, "Gregori, my second in command, please kill me. I do not want to endanger our people. The vampire has infected me with his pestilence. After me, I deem you the new prince. Save our people, Gregori, slay me."

Gregori turned his head to look down, "Mikhail..."

"Now, you have to..." Mikhail said, "do not hesitate."

Gregori sighed and drew back his arm, "if I must..." All of a sudden, Savannah clicked the off button on the overhead and the words disappeared.

"They're gone..." Aidan noted, relaxing, "the enemy is defeated..."

"Gregori," Mikhail gazed at him in awe, "simply your presence defeated the vampire. You truly are stronger and I am-ow!" Mikhail winced as Raven smacked him upside the head.

"Those words weren't from some vampire, they were projected from the overhead, you nincompoops!" she cried. All the Carpathian males turned to the now destroyed overhead, as if noticing it for the first time.

"Is it possessed?" Jacques asked, giving it a suspicious eye.

Lucian stepped forward and inspected it, "no...I believe we have finally defeated the enemy. We emerge victorious!" All the females slapped themselves on the forehead.

"Leave them to it..." Rin sighed as they walked away, "they're absolutely hopeless..."

The next evening Gregori awoke to a loud crash and the sound of Savannah's voice calling, "no! Gregori, bad boy! Come back here now!"

Lying in bed, Gregori was filled with confusion, "Savannah!" he called, "I'm right here!"

"Not you!" Savannah's voice replied, "I'm talking about Gregori-chan!" Another loud crash was heard along with Savannah shouting, "no! Gregori-chan!"

_Ahhh..._ the real Gregori thought, _her ferret..._ Finally the sound of the crashing stopped.

"Got you," Savannah said as she held up her beloved ferret, "you shouldn't have done that. Gregori, you're being very naughty." Iris and Rin appeared at that moment and exchanged disturbed glances as they caught the last sentence. But they shrugged it off, they were used to Savannah being strange.

"Evening Savannah," they said at the same time. Savannah turned from her scolding Gregori-chan and the ferret once again wrapped itself around her neck.

"Oh, hi," Savannah replied good-naturedly as Gregori (the Carpathian) walked into the room.

"Hey guess what?" Rin said, "Mikhail's making us go find out lifemates again. But this time he said that you could come along with us."

"Yes!" Savannah pumped her fist in the air as Gregori stared wide-eyed.

"That cannot be..." he muttered, "I must go and have a word with Mikhail." He stalked off as Savannah called, "don't discourage him!"

"I see Gregori-chan is being a handful," Iris stated as she took note of the broken furniture around the room.

"Very..." Savannah sighed, "who ever knew ferrets could be so energetic eh?"

"I wanted to ask..." Rin said, "how are we going to teach our Lifemate 101 class if all the Carpathians are convinced the overhead is possessed?"

"We'll probably have to talk them through it," Savannah replied, "we'll discuss that after we come back from our lifemate hunt." Suddenly Savannah's cell phone rang and as she looked at it, Mikhail had called.

"So he finally learned how to use it..." Iris said as Savannah answered.

"Oh hi Raven," she said, "Mikhail still thinks the phone is alive? Okay. Yeah, we'll be at the airport soon. Tell Gregori not to freak out TOO much. Yeah...yeah, don't worry." She shut off the phone.

"Well then," Rin said, "let's go! To Canada!"

Iris nodded, "yeah, we'll get to see the Niagara Falls!"

Savannah gasped, "I've always wanted to go there! Let's go!" With that, the three packed once again and set off for the airport.

Some miles away, Gregori paced in Mikhail's living room, "I cannot believe you are letting Savannah go," he said, "no offense but...are you out of your mind!?"

"Raven often tells me I am, but if we restrain Savannah, she'll probably try to stow away again," Mikhail replied.

"I'm going along with them then," Gregori announced, striding out the door, "I will not let Savannah put herself in unnecessary danger."

Mikhail grinned, "are you sure you'll be able to handle the three of them together? They are...quite a handful..."

"Don't worry," Gregori assured him, "they will be fine. I can handle them, they are only fledglings, how hard could it be?" He didn't know how wrong he was.

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The next chapter will be up as soon as possible! I may be able to write it this weekend, maybe not. I'll get it up ASAP! Thank you!


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